The Alien Liberal

The Richmond, Virginia radio market is a tough one for someone like me. I like talk radio, but in Richmond one is limited to the Rush Limbaugh storm troopers, with its assorted cadre of hypersensitive Christians, conspiracy nuts, second amendment fanatics, peach pie philosophers, and Alien enthusiasts (to name a few) calling in. I try to listen as long as I can, as if letting water drip on my forehead might prepare me for more challenging things, but it’s no use. I start to get angry, then incredulous, then resigned, and finally feeling very alone.

As a Liberal I’ve come to understand from Conservative broadcasters that my very existence has unleashed a horde of illegal, benefit laden Latinos, promiscuous women on welfare, mentally unstable college professors, and union lemmings (among others) to claw away at real patriotic American’s automatic weapons, steal their earnings, or perhaps leave their children unattended at bus stops. I always thought I was a nice liberal, but from what I listen to, that distinction is an oxymoron.

I’d like to think of myself as a Reagan Liberal. That would be a Liberal who ends his speaking points with an aw-shucks chuckle (well…gosh, Senator McCain…maybe that’s why mavericks never lead the herd). Mostly however, I’m just run of the mill. I don’t understand when we find ourselves in a world economy honeycombed with multi-national corporations, complex energy distribution, lightening fast communication, terrifying weapons (large and small), and unprecedented population growth why so many in this country are opposed to considering collective solutions to free market failures. Oh hell…of course I know… it’s the money, or more accurately those who stand to lose money and their extraordinary ability to scam people (usually through fear) that any restriction to the free market is like letting Lucifer in the front door.

I don’t like the “new” Liberal that calls him/herself a Progressive. I guess I just don’t like the term… it’s a copout, or at best confusing. The Liberal position is important and doesn’t need re-titling. It has been underrepresented in both government and our culture at large for over 30 years, yet it’s critical because the path that leads to the successful evolution of the American culture is laid between the Liberal and Conservative ideologies. Without the counterbalance we end up in the ditch and as of late we’ve been in the ditch that bears to the Right.

I’m really hoping that President Obama is a consensus builder and that the Conservative side of the highway retains enough ideologically sound champions to keep him in the road. Perhaps then we might actually create a single payer healthcare system which compliments business growth, or international cooperation which enhances American influence, or debt control which can be viewed as patriotic.

I will say this about the Conservative talk shows though…I think they may be on to something regarding UFOs and Aliens. If they’re right, the Aliens have to be widespread among us and totally stealth. I think I may have figured it out…it’s the squirrels. Think about it...we know they’re everywhere even though we only see them in random flashes. They’re always looking and examining, they’re obviously communicating in a fashion we can’t figure out, they’re very nervous, and isn’t it possible that the occasional squirrel one sees dangling from a power line suffered his fate for attempting to go to “the other side”? I think President Obama might consider trying to make contact. It would be the gracious thing for a Liberal to do.